5 more days left

Hi everyone! I'm very very very sorry for my laziness with this blog. But maybe it's more rewading to read these markings once they are published if I publish them this seldom? ;) Haha. Anyways.

It's winter in Finland now and we just started our holidays. So long waited Xmas eve is after five days. How exciting! We even have got some snow here, and the temperature is about -20 every night. Just in time I have found a new hobby - Postcrossing. It's a system where you send and get cards to and from all over the world. Me and my sissy went to the town and bought some cards (nearly 40!!) today. I've never realized how beautiful cards are. I noticed myself picking one card, then seeing another, picking it too and so on. That's how we got that 40 cards afterall. Gosh. Now I should write five cards to different countries: Estonia, Uruguay, Germany, the Netherlands and the USA. Or actually four, since I've already written a card that goes to Germany. Luckily I have a lot of free time now so that I can write all those cards in a few days. Then I can start so receive some!

I have also created my very own account to Youtube. There you can find some of my recordings. Oh, and you know what! I bought a digital piano last weekend! With my own money... Geez, I don't have anything anymore... But it really was worth it. I have never seen or heard as beautiful sound as my lovely Clás (piano's name ;)) has. He's great.

But people, I never sent any photographs from our trip to Budapest. I'm sorry about that too. Therefore I decided to add some of them here now. I guess it's OK? Well, there you are. And everyone - have nice time waiting for Santa! <:)

Just some great news...

...that I had to post to my blog. It's been a while since my last post... I'm sorry about that. I'm just so lazy with this. It's probably clear, for I have three own blogs and three dogs' blogs to update regularly. You just cannot be on time everywhere.

But let's go to the news: I'm going to Hungary again! Please don't ask me why, because I have no clue. Or of course I know why ('cause I want to!), but how I got my mom to come with me. So yes, this time I'll be going only with mom. And to Budapest, not to Siófok or Balaton at all. Although I will push my mom to take a train with me and do a one-day trip to the "contryside", you know. To our own place. I wish we could visit the Csorbas, too, but that's not possible. Unfortunately. Anyway it's more than marvellous to go and see the autumn of Hungary - it seems to be such beautiful, at least in the photographs I've seen. It's kind of different comparing to Finland, as we have already had snow here. Yak!

I'm actually having my autumn breaks of school at the moment. And as you probably guess, I've just spent it in front of my laptop. Not that I haven't done anything here - I absolutely have: I changed the layout of our website, and now I am refreshing this personal blog and my Twitter profile, too. And as for Twitter, did you notice that black poll on the right hand side? I found this funny, little widget on Twitter and decided to add it here so that I wouldn't have to refresh this so often, but you guys could still know what's happening here. On second thoughts, I'm pretty sure there's no one following this blog, but whatever. It's just for my own fun that I'm writing here.

I suppose I'm ending this post now, but I'll be here again after one week, since I made sure our hotel has this wireless Internet connection ;) This lovely little computer travels with me again. It always does. So see you then - there'll be many photos again!

No-life for the others, life from my point of view

Hi! I just came in from a walk with my dog and I have to say - what a weather! I don't know if I have even seen or felt weather like that, it was fabulous. There were some very heavy clouds, you could almost feel them touching your back with their electricity - and the colour of them! I guess there's not even a word to describe the colour of them but it was something between lilac, blue, black, grey and purple. Just fantastic. But no thunder, no storm, just couple raindrops falling down from the massive sky. I really enjoyed the walk. The only thing I'm more interested about is that where the other people were. There was absolutely no-one outside. Like time would have been stopped. There were no humen, no animals, no cars. Even the lights in all houses were switched off. And I can tell you - that really was weird, since it wasn't that late. What a pity, I was the only person who was outside to enjoy that moment.

I haven't really been here, I mean, in Blogger. Maybe it's because I'm a bit no-life again, like I knew I would, after visiting Hungary again. I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything...I just am. Well okay, I dream about living in Hungary some day, or even visiting it soon again. I have got my enthusiasm to study Hungarian again, so this no-lifeness has been good for me, too. Last weekend I went on over ten pages in my exercise book. I don't know, I'm just a girl who dreams her life away. Maybe it's not good, maybe it is. Maybe it's just a way to manage.

I have to go to bed now, but if someone's interested in this kind of dream world, please start from listening to a Hungarian band called Nox. You find some great songs of them from Youtube, like, Legyen, Még egy perc, Időntúl and Javítsd a hibát. And making myself more no-life: I sing all the songs of the album every day - yes, in Hungarian! It's a whole fun!

In the end

Gosh I have to kill my conscience. I trapped on it again, this time it was cds. We bought four cds from Tesco yesterday, all with label "Made for Hungary". Because none of us had never seen that kind of marking before, we started to think if we could export the cds to Finland at all. It said made for Hungary. Not made for Finland or other countries.

As everyone who really knows me probably already guesses, at that point I was all worried and almost saw our family sitting in customs jail so my dad asked the salesman about the label. He obviously couldn't speak or understand English, as he paid no attention - just like nothing happened. So we bought them. At Csorba's I surfed on the Internet and found this relieving information: It just meant that the cds were cheaper. Thank God! Now I can listen to Nox and all these Slumdog millionaire -songs. (The book is amazing, btw!)

I remember the day we arrived here (what a surprise I do) and thought that we're going to spend all these ten days in sunny and warm Hungary. Now we only have one day left and I'm afraid we'll be back third time ;) (fourth, but third time here in Csorba's) I just love this place, we all do. The Csorba family hasn't been home very much, though, but it's OK. We already knew where are the best restaurants located and how to rent a car, for example.

Oh yea, we rent a car for two days and visited the beautiful cities of Pécs, Héviz and Szekszárd and this wonderful village of Tihany. I just love Tihany. The view from there...oh. It's something that you have to see with your own eyes. Those are the times when it's difficult to remember that Balaton actually is a lake. Oh, I can't even find the words.

I just have to mention that this place is home. I have to get here again and again. Maybe I'll move here some day. Mom and dad already found out the university cities of Hungary and what I should study. They said I could study Finnish and Hungarian and come here to teach Finnish in university. Not a bad idea! ;)

Anyway, we'll spend the whole day on the beach tomorrow and leave this place early in the morning on Saturday. I'll write more later... It has been lovely to live here with Polish and German guests and I want to thank the Csorba family for this house, for their kindness and ofc, for this Wi-Fi connection ;) Thank you so much!

A change

Hmm... I lied a bit when I told I would write something on our first day out here. I didn't. Not even on the second or on the third day. But now. I just got these Internet keys so that's why.

From where should I start? At least I've understood something. Something has changed. I have changed during these two years. I remember the pain I've felt all this time, but now I feel like I have just wasted my time. I'm glad I came here. Otherwise I would have never got completely over this. Over him.

Still I must confess that I was quite excited this morning as I woke up hearing this loud noise. It was him driving the lawn. At the moment I realized it was him I was completely awake. I looked out of the window to see him the first time in two years (yes, the way this happened was quite different than I though it would be) and there he was. Wearing exactly the same kind of clothes he wore last time, looking exactly the same. The only thing that had changed was his hair - it was a bit longer. Now I've been seeing him a few times and his face is the same, his voice is the same, his look is the same. Even though this feels wonderful, something has changed. Somehow I find myself thinking: 'Is this really him? I spend so many nights and days thinking of him, I cried for him and all? He's the guy?' I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. It's been relieving to notice this, since I don't think my life will be Hell anymore, after coming back to Finland. I hope this won't change during these rest ten days (only ten days! I could live in here!).

We haven't really done anything yet. It's so hot out here, you cannot walk even one kilometer without sweating like never before. But next week we'll rent a car to see other places. Then I can maybe get a few photos, too. Mom has told everyone I've been studying Hungarian and now they all think I can really speak or write. I mean, I can though, but only a couple words! Still it's been great to notice some familiar words from the middle of the sentences and so on. I wish I could speak Hungarian properly some day... I thought I could come here next summer to work in Csorba's! ;) This place is so nice and they are so nice. It would be great to get to know him a bit more - but just like friends do, you know.

I'll be back in here next week, now I have to beat the family in Yatzy and Uno! Szia and greetings from Balatonszéplak! <3>

Is it possible...

...to feel all the emotions at the same time? I bet it is. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm angry and happy. I feel fine and confused, frustrated and sad. I want to leave the country and still I miss it. I'm also eager to see the Csorba family in Hungary for the first time in two years, but I'm afraid I'll be as out of my mind as I was those two years ago as we came back home. You see? This is it: Don't you worry too early - but I do.

Anyways - I just started my holidays :)) I had my last day at work today (which was kinda relaxing - I had no work to do so I just surfed on the Internet) and we took our cavaliers to the cottage so that my grandparents can take care of them during our trip. Rilla is already taken to its breeder, too.

So we're leaving tomorrow. Somehow I can't even realize it yet. It must be fucking cool to go by plane again - I love it! But there's one thing I'm more scared of than anything: the safety control at the airport! Nothing is as scary as it is. But yea, I have to confess that they've got me once, but I didn't do it on a purpose. I was just a little kid and I had scissors in my hand luggage so that I could have created something fun (u know the things the kids do with notebooks and pencils and a roll of tape for example) on the plane...but they took my bag and told me to get those scissors away from there, which I totally did, all scared. So I've been very careful and scared with those controls ever since, it was traumatic for me.

But I have some good news! I can have my laptop with me in Hungary! Daddy told me that the Csorbas have this wireless connection with the Internet that we can use freely. Wo-hoo! I mean, I wouldn't need to do anything but move my photos to this. And refresh my blog. And facebook. And twitter. Okay, I know I'm addicted, right.

It's kinda hard to realize that you have absolutely nothing to pack on a trip. Believe me, I just got this experience. I do have clothes, though, but they're all horrible! I can't understand how on Earth I have ever happened to buy them. I guess I need to refresh my mind during the vacation, I rly need some new thoughts!

I'll continue this 'mission impossible' - packing. I bet it's already morning before I finish this. If I ever do. I'll post something tomorrow when the big day comes. I'll walk through the gates and see my deep crush from the previous trip - of which I just got over...

...and I just can't hide it.

Gosh I'm excited. I visited the school for choosing my courses today and now after the meeting with the principal...I feel just great. I was able to choose both German and Spain, but not only that I'll try to study Russian which is organized outside the school lessons. I'm glad I can stay in Loviisa so that I won't waste any time sitting on the bus. I also got this list of our books and the list is long ;) I wonder how much all these books will cost...

Have I already told you how amazing place this Flickr is? It's a website for photos and videos, and I have put some of my pics there, too. I was exploring other people's photos when I suddenly found some incredible shots from Hungary. The photos were just wonderful and now I've found out where they were taken at. Yet I haven't found out where exactly in Hungary those places are located, but I wish they weren't too far away from Balaton. I mean, once I'll take my big camera with me, it would be sooooo cool to get shots like them. I'm even more excited!

I kinda shouldn't be here for it's this late now, so I guess I have to go to sleep. I can't believe I'm having only five days left at work - and seven days left until the trip to Hungary! Sorry for this post, I'm just way too excited. Here are some of my shots in the forest yesterday. Thanks for coming with me, Fia! <3>

^ Meet my new friend, Szimón the Stone ;)

Summer's here!

Finally the summer really seems to be here. It's funny how your mind lifts up when it's sunny and warm. At least mine does. For instance now, when I got this feeling that I have to do something fun outside. So I send an e-mail to my friend for asking if she would come to the forest with me and my dog. More than that, she said yes, of course and we're leaving soon. I just had to refresh my blog first ;)

Yesterday, when I was feeling totally no-life, I surfed on the internet (surprise, surprise!) and headed to the website of EF. I started to look for information about our coming language trip to Malta next summer and found this test for testing your English skills. According to this test I'm advanced ;) Wo-hoo. I just have to test my sis, too, although I'm pretty sure she will hardly understand anything of it.

Have I already told you that my friend's mom asked me to play the piano in someone's party? Yes, she did. I'd like to say yes and play a couple of my own songs and The scientist by Coldplay, but you all know how afraid I am of being in front of the audience... I should decide soon, but I just don't know whether should I go or not.

Thank God my family is in Helsinki now and I'm away when they'll come back home. I just can't stand them at all at the moment. We've been arguing since they came home from the cottage yesterday so I'm not really eager to be around...

Oh, it's already late. I mean, not late, but late for meeting Fia soon. I gotta go. But I just had to mention that it's possible for me to have my personal site after a couple weeks. I've found someone who will do the layout for me. Thanks to Taija :) She was the first to see "Realize!", my 5th song on the video, by the way. Now, byee!

It's midsum guys!

Back home again. We spent the midsum at our summer place in Hamina with our grandparents and my best friend's family. Unfortunately -even though I had my laptop with me- there was no internet so I couldn't write anything here. Otherwise I would have wrote something crazy, since we had such great time together! My sis had organized this race for us (I kinda lost...), then we all played volleyball with our cottage neighbours (they're our relatives) and it was totally fun! My grandpa fell down, like, million times, my mom took my place all the time and I got mad to her, we all screwed and made fun of each other and laughed. Geez we laughed!

Later in the night me, my friend Fia and my sis Ellis made up these crazy looks and then took some pictures, ate more goodies than ever (and I really mean more than ever) and again - laughed. Once we had those party looks we started to play Idols until I almost fell asleep. Yet we had to go to the crapper and while waiting for my friend I settled to lie to the moss. It was way more comfortable than our beds in the cottage... Somehow I however woke up in my bed in the cottage ants running on my face! Didn't I told you that the moss would have been way more comfortable than the bed, did I...?

I came home already today although my family stays one day more there. I have just played the piano, surfed on the internet, listened to music and danced like a freak. I'm a little hungry for I have only eaten breakfast today so I guess I'll have something to eat now. You guys, have a nice Saturday evening!

Oh and hey you, I've joined Flickr, so please check out my photoalbums here!

Murphy's law -day :: vol. 1

We all know the days when everything's set against you and nothing goes well, don't we? Our English test told us about these days a couple months ago - they are called Murphy's law -days. Well, whatever they are, I'm having one today. I wish this fucking day was already over.

I have argued with my dad the whole day. He has asked me to do things -which I totally have done well-, but then he comes to me and says how everything's 'not finished'. Let me say something..! And he just asks more and more so that he can point out that I've done absolutely nothing. I don't know what's wrong with him this time, but I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with me, though. No matter if I am near him or not - I'm always in wrong place, doing wrong things or just doing nothing, or then I'm doing the right things at the wrong time.

Besides my cell phone stays silent and dead. Well at least some good news: I'll get my mom's Samsung SGH-U600, since she can't use it and will buy another one - but when?

I visited the school earlier today to see all the students that will go to the same school with me next year. There was about twenty names on the list, all from our school of course. And I guess there's no need to mention that I almost slipped and fell down on a puddle of water when going back home...

Sorry for this, perhaps I should just go to bed and close my eyes until it's tomorrow and I have to go to work again. I'm sure that if I went downstairs now, I'd fall down the stairs and broke my leg or something. So please, stay away from me today, I may be dangerous.

Anger and addictions

Arrrgh! My dear and the best cell phone ever doesn't work anymore, shit! It has been weird for a couple days (it got wet two months ago and hasn't really got over it), but it totally died today. Now I can't even get it on. So if there are any of my friends reading this, please note that I can't answer to my phone at the moment... I don't want to have a new one - they're all strange and stupid -yes and ugly- nowadays and they all include this useless stuff. I want to have another green Samsung SGH-250, but I guess they are not sold anywhere anymore. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I need to check if I could still get one, or then I have to find a whole new one. This sucks.

I can't wait for our trip! I have decided to take my big camera with me so that I can take good pictures that I can watch again and again when we're back in Finland. I don't want to miss anything! And I already asked Sonja if she remembered where they took those beautiful nails last time and she did! She explained me where it was. I haven't bitten my nails anymore so that I can get that kind of nails, too ;)

We visited my good friend, Iina's comfirmation party today. It was so wonderful to see her again and the weather was just like we all wanted it to be - sunny and warm. I met one nice woman there with who I talked about the dogs a lot. She had told my mom that she (my mom) has got wonderful girls as they talk with people. Well, isn't that, like, normal? What if we just sat there without saying anything? At least I would find that quite boring and lame... It's nice to talk with people, you know. They are nice, they are interesting.

Uhm, I think I'll go and read something before going to sleep. Or I know what I'll read, though - Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. Yet I've read only some chapters of it, but I'll finish it very quickly once I really start to read it. And Iina already gave me the 4th part of the saga, named Breaking dawn, of which I read two chapters today - just couldn't wait. Do I get addicted to things too easily or something?

Iiiit's weekeeeend!

Heyy guys! I can't believe it's weekend again! I have had a nice week, though. I'm feeling myself very comfortable with my workmates and the days at the office have gone well. But weekend is always weekend, you know ;) Still my "boss" was quite funny today. She came and kinda hugged me saying: "Bea, you should work for us." I was like, "Am I already not working for you, am I?" :)) Then she kept going on: "Yea, but more! You know, the school isn't really important! You should just come to us, we want you here." That's why I love working there - people are so nice and close.

It's interesting how easily and fast you can get addicted to something. Nowadays I am totally addicted to my e-mail although I didn't write anything to anyone before. I just keep writing and writing to my friend who's living in the same town, but who I haven't seen now...for about...one week! ;) But it's great that there is some way to contact - and it doesn't cost anything like txt message does - even though we can't meet, like, face to face. So thanks to my dear friend who replies quickly and makes me laugh, no matter where I am. Luv ya!

Hogy van? My mom hasn't canceled our trip (yet!). I guess she can manage in Hungary even though there is a couple snakes out there... ;) And I have spent my evenings studying Hungarian. It's an interesting language, btw.

Oh, I hate mosquitos! My ankles are full of these itchy knots that wake me up at nights. And when I say they are full of them - I can tell you - they really are full of them. I'm not even able to count them, they are so close-set. My legs look like an animal's feet, you should see them. This is ridiculous.

There's also another thing you should absolutely see: my room at the moment. It's a mess. My mom would faint if she saw this. And then my sis got this great idea to come to sleep with me yesterday so now I'm having this extra bed here, too. I knew I would have to take it away so why did I let her come here? Gosh.

Ok, now this sounds like I'm not feeling good at all, but I actually am. I just don't know why. I'll put my radio on and start to clean up my room so that someone can come here yet some day... Oh, and I got this information about getting in to Porvoo's college, but I'll just stay here in Loviisa if someone's intrested to know.

Have a nice weekend you all! :) At least I'll have one.

Summer? No mam!

Hey c'mon! Just take a look outside - does it look like summer? In my opinion...no. I don't know where you happen to be at the moment, but here in Loviisa it's all cloudy and grey. Well, I'm glad we'll have this holiday trip to Hungary after three weeks (; If my mom doesn't cancel the whole trip... You know, she's so scared of snakes and then she had talked with her workmate and heard that she had seen many snakes out there, in Hungary. And gosh mom got scared... She came home all terrified yesterday telling us what she had heard. Her eyes were about to drop off her head while talking about these snakes and we all tried to get her calm down. It was pretty hard ;) The rest of the day she spent on the internet, searching for some information about the Hungarian snakes... So it would be no wonder if she canceled the whole trip for the snakes - and she already has done it once, though...

I'm feeling a bit sick :( I've been feeling cold and bad all day long and had this headache today. I really hope I won't get sick, since I have to judge this admisson test in agility on Thursday and besides that I'm working every day so it would be kinda hard to stay home anyways. And feeling sick at work isn't nice either.

Nowadays I'm truly married with my piano. I keep playing every day and every night. Playing the piano is the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning and the last thing when I'm about to go to bed in the evenings. I just love playing my own songs, but not only that, I also like to play Coldplay's songs. And when I say I'm playing the piano I usually don't play the melody itself, but I comp and sing. It's relaxing and more creative.

Now my headache really pisses me off, so I gotta go. But please let me know if you have been reading my texts, 'cause it's the only way to know whether there are some visitors in here or not. Viszlát!

Remember, just be yourself.

Geez I had soo much fun today! I spent such great time with my best friend who has taught me something very important. You know, like, how to be or behave when hanging out with the friends. I realized I'm kind of relaxed nowadays, when I always used to be so nervous and almost hated being with them. Not exactly hated being with them, but I hated that hell sticky situation. I don't know why was that. But I think that might be because of the same old part people keep asking everytime - "What would you like to do?". And you ask that question every single time you meet your friend knowing what the answer will be like, it's "I don't know" or "you should decide" almost everytime. It's just this manner people have learnt to use it without the question's own meaning. Do you get what I mean?

Well, today we talked about the things we always talk about, I designed a new layout for my personal site and she helped me, I played the piano and stuff. And we had so much fun! With her I can do anything I want to, whenever I want to without being ashamed. But not only that, with a good friend I am also able to do things I'd normally hate - like cleaning up or something. That's the way hanging out with the friends should be.

And why I'm talking about this, you must be wondering now. Well, I have stopped asking any questions like that and just started to be myself. You know, I don't have to be anything else, I don't have to serve my friends or anything. Nowadays I'm just like "relax and make yourself feel like at home", "let's talk" or something. There's no need to do anything really but just hang around. If that ain't OK with my friends...well, I'm sorry - I can't help it! And that's what my best friend has taught me. Just be yourself, you don't have to be anyone or anything else. Because you're good. We all are.

Happiness...what's that?

Hiii. I just published my very new personal blog and decided to write it in English. I actually don't know why, I guess it's just for a change, you know. The blog carries the name of the 6th song I've made by myself. I think it was describing enough, wasn't it? Or how on Earth could you know. I mean, can you seriously tell me you know who I am? ;)

I just had to tell you (who ever you happen to be) about this evening, 'cause I think it was pretty surprising in some strange way. You know, after a long, long day at work (yea, I'm working at this communication office in Loviisa throughout June) I was pretty tired when I finally got back home... I still had to lead these agility trainings later in the evening which somehow didn't really inspire me. No, not today, after the work and stuff. But ofc I went there and I'm glad I did! Even though it was rainy all time throughout those two hours, but the students (if you can name them like that) were great! Almost everyone had come to the trainings no matter what the weather was like and they had all got better. I mean, there's nothing that shows that your methods work better than that. And we're having this great team spirit in the group that totally lifts up everyone of us. That's just great!

I was so happy I laughed aloud when walking home after those two hours. Happiness can be just little things you normally wouldn't even notice. Like, walking back home after this long day, hair, clothes, face, the dog, you know - all wet, but laughing honestly.

And lastly the best news of the week - my best friend has come home from her summer cottage, finally! I have missed her soooo much, and now we can meet again and talk about...well, that's a secret I'll never tell...

xoxo Bea :]