Is it possible...

...to feel all the emotions at the same time? I bet it is. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm angry and happy. I feel fine and confused, frustrated and sad. I want to leave the country and still I miss it. I'm also eager to see the Csorba family in Hungary for the first time in two years, but I'm afraid I'll be as out of my mind as I was those two years ago as we came back home. You see? This is it: Don't you worry too early - but I do.

Anyways - I just started my holidays :)) I had my last day at work today (which was kinda relaxing - I had no work to do so I just surfed on the Internet) and we took our cavaliers to the cottage so that my grandparents can take care of them during our trip. Rilla is already taken to its breeder, too.

So we're leaving tomorrow. Somehow I can't even realize it yet. It must be fucking cool to go by plane again - I love it! But there's one thing I'm more scared of than anything: the safety control at the airport! Nothing is as scary as it is. But yea, I have to confess that they've got me once, but I didn't do it on a purpose. I was just a little kid and I had scissors in my hand luggage so that I could have created something fun (u know the things the kids do with notebooks and pencils and a roll of tape for example) on the plane...but they took my bag and told me to get those scissors away from there, which I totally did, all scared. So I've been very careful and scared with those controls ever since, it was traumatic for me.

But I have some good news! I can have my laptop with me in Hungary! Daddy told me that the Csorbas have this wireless connection with the Internet that we can use freely. Wo-hoo! I mean, I wouldn't need to do anything but move my photos to this. And refresh my blog. And facebook. And twitter. Okay, I know I'm addicted, right.

It's kinda hard to realize that you have absolutely nothing to pack on a trip. Believe me, I just got this experience. I do have clothes, though, but they're all horrible! I can't understand how on Earth I have ever happened to buy them. I guess I need to refresh my mind during the vacation, I rly need some new thoughts!

I'll continue this 'mission impossible' - packing. I bet it's already morning before I finish this. If I ever do. I'll post something tomorrow when the big day comes. I'll walk through the gates and see my deep crush from the previous trip - of which I just got over...

...and I just can't hide it.

Gosh I'm excited. I visited the school for choosing my courses today and now after the meeting with the principal...I feel just great. I was able to choose both German and Spain, but not only that I'll try to study Russian which is organized outside the school lessons. I'm glad I can stay in Loviisa so that I won't waste any time sitting on the bus. I also got this list of our books and the list is long ;) I wonder how much all these books will cost...

Have I already told you how amazing place this Flickr is? It's a website for photos and videos, and I have put some of my pics there, too. I was exploring other people's photos when I suddenly found some incredible shots from Hungary. The photos were just wonderful and now I've found out where they were taken at. Yet I haven't found out where exactly in Hungary those places are located, but I wish they weren't too far away from Balaton. I mean, once I'll take my big camera with me, it would be sooooo cool to get shots like them. I'm even more excited!

I kinda shouldn't be here for it's this late now, so I guess I have to go to sleep. I can't believe I'm having only five days left at work - and seven days left until the trip to Hungary! Sorry for this post, I'm just way too excited. Here are some of my shots in the forest yesterday. Thanks for coming with me, Fia! <3>

^ Meet my new friend, Szimón the Stone ;)

Summer's here!

Finally the summer really seems to be here. It's funny how your mind lifts up when it's sunny and warm. At least mine does. For instance now, when I got this feeling that I have to do something fun outside. So I send an e-mail to my friend for asking if she would come to the forest with me and my dog. More than that, she said yes, of course and we're leaving soon. I just had to refresh my blog first ;)

Yesterday, when I was feeling totally no-life, I surfed on the internet (surprise, surprise!) and headed to the website of EF. I started to look for information about our coming language trip to Malta next summer and found this test for testing your English skills. According to this test I'm advanced ;) Wo-hoo. I just have to test my sis, too, although I'm pretty sure she will hardly understand anything of it.

Have I already told you that my friend's mom asked me to play the piano in someone's party? Yes, she did. I'd like to say yes and play a couple of my own songs and The scientist by Coldplay, but you all know how afraid I am of being in front of the audience... I should decide soon, but I just don't know whether should I go or not.

Thank God my family is in Helsinki now and I'm away when they'll come back home. I just can't stand them at all at the moment. We've been arguing since they came home from the cottage yesterday so I'm not really eager to be around...

Oh, it's already late. I mean, not late, but late for meeting Fia soon. I gotta go. But I just had to mention that it's possible for me to have my personal site after a couple weeks. I've found someone who will do the layout for me. Thanks to Taija :) She was the first to see "Realize!", my 5th song on the video, by the way. Now, byee!

It's midsum guys!

Back home again. We spent the midsum at our summer place in Hamina with our grandparents and my best friend's family. Unfortunately -even though I had my laptop with me- there was no internet so I couldn't write anything here. Otherwise I would have wrote something crazy, since we had such great time together! My sis had organized this race for us (I kinda lost...), then we all played volleyball with our cottage neighbours (they're our relatives) and it was totally fun! My grandpa fell down, like, million times, my mom took my place all the time and I got mad to her, we all screwed and made fun of each other and laughed. Geez we laughed!

Later in the night me, my friend Fia and my sis Ellis made up these crazy looks and then took some pictures, ate more goodies than ever (and I really mean more than ever) and again - laughed. Once we had those party looks we started to play Idols until I almost fell asleep. Yet we had to go to the crapper and while waiting for my friend I settled to lie to the moss. It was way more comfortable than our beds in the cottage... Somehow I however woke up in my bed in the cottage ants running on my face! Didn't I told you that the moss would have been way more comfortable than the bed, did I...?

I came home already today although my family stays one day more there. I have just played the piano, surfed on the internet, listened to music and danced like a freak. I'm a little hungry for I have only eaten breakfast today so I guess I'll have something to eat now. You guys, have a nice Saturday evening!

Oh and hey you, I've joined Flickr, so please check out my photoalbums here!

Murphy's law -day :: vol. 1

We all know the days when everything's set against you and nothing goes well, don't we? Our English test told us about these days a couple months ago - they are called Murphy's law -days. Well, whatever they are, I'm having one today. I wish this fucking day was already over.

I have argued with my dad the whole day. He has asked me to do things -which I totally have done well-, but then he comes to me and says how everything's 'not finished'. Let me say something..! And he just asks more and more so that he can point out that I've done absolutely nothing. I don't know what's wrong with him this time, but I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with me, though. No matter if I am near him or not - I'm always in wrong place, doing wrong things or just doing nothing, or then I'm doing the right things at the wrong time.

Besides my cell phone stays silent and dead. Well at least some good news: I'll get my mom's Samsung SGH-U600, since she can't use it and will buy another one - but when?

I visited the school earlier today to see all the students that will go to the same school with me next year. There was about twenty names on the list, all from our school of course. And I guess there's no need to mention that I almost slipped and fell down on a puddle of water when going back home...

Sorry for this, perhaps I should just go to bed and close my eyes until it's tomorrow and I have to go to work again. I'm sure that if I went downstairs now, I'd fall down the stairs and broke my leg or something. So please, stay away from me today, I may be dangerous.

Anger and addictions

Arrrgh! My dear and the best cell phone ever doesn't work anymore, shit! It has been weird for a couple days (it got wet two months ago and hasn't really got over it), but it totally died today. Now I can't even get it on. So if there are any of my friends reading this, please note that I can't answer to my phone at the moment... I don't want to have a new one - they're all strange and stupid -yes and ugly- nowadays and they all include this useless stuff. I want to have another green Samsung SGH-250, but I guess they are not sold anywhere anymore. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I need to check if I could still get one, or then I have to find a whole new one. This sucks.

I can't wait for our trip! I have decided to take my big camera with me so that I can take good pictures that I can watch again and again when we're back in Finland. I don't want to miss anything! And I already asked Sonja if she remembered where they took those beautiful nails last time and she did! She explained me where it was. I haven't bitten my nails anymore so that I can get that kind of nails, too ;)

We visited my good friend, Iina's comfirmation party today. It was so wonderful to see her again and the weather was just like we all wanted it to be - sunny and warm. I met one nice woman there with who I talked about the dogs a lot. She had told my mom that she (my mom) has got wonderful girls as they talk with people. Well, isn't that, like, normal? What if we just sat there without saying anything? At least I would find that quite boring and lame... It's nice to talk with people, you know. They are nice, they are interesting.

Uhm, I think I'll go and read something before going to sleep. Or I know what I'll read, though - Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. Yet I've read only some chapters of it, but I'll finish it very quickly once I really start to read it. And Iina already gave me the 4th part of the saga, named Breaking dawn, of which I read two chapters today - just couldn't wait. Do I get addicted to things too easily or something?

Iiiit's weekeeeend!

Heyy guys! I can't believe it's weekend again! I have had a nice week, though. I'm feeling myself very comfortable with my workmates and the days at the office have gone well. But weekend is always weekend, you know ;) Still my "boss" was quite funny today. She came and kinda hugged me saying: "Bea, you should work for us." I was like, "Am I already not working for you, am I?" :)) Then she kept going on: "Yea, but more! You know, the school isn't really important! You should just come to us, we want you here." That's why I love working there - people are so nice and close.

It's interesting how easily and fast you can get addicted to something. Nowadays I am totally addicted to my e-mail although I didn't write anything to anyone before. I just keep writing and writing to my friend who's living in the same town, but who I haven't seen now...for about...one week! ;) But it's great that there is some way to contact - and it doesn't cost anything like txt message does - even though we can't meet, like, face to face. So thanks to my dear friend who replies quickly and makes me laugh, no matter where I am. Luv ya!

Hogy van? My mom hasn't canceled our trip (yet!). I guess she can manage in Hungary even though there is a couple snakes out there... ;) And I have spent my evenings studying Hungarian. It's an interesting language, btw.

Oh, I hate mosquitos! My ankles are full of these itchy knots that wake me up at nights. And when I say they are full of them - I can tell you - they really are full of them. I'm not even able to count them, they are so close-set. My legs look like an animal's feet, you should see them. This is ridiculous.

There's also another thing you should absolutely see: my room at the moment. It's a mess. My mom would faint if she saw this. And then my sis got this great idea to come to sleep with me yesterday so now I'm having this extra bed here, too. I knew I would have to take it away so why did I let her come here? Gosh.

Ok, now this sounds like I'm not feeling good at all, but I actually am. I just don't know why. I'll put my radio on and start to clean up my room so that someone can come here yet some day... Oh, and I got this information about getting in to Porvoo's college, but I'll just stay here in Loviisa if someone's intrested to know.

Have a nice weekend you all! :) At least I'll have one.

Summer? No mam!

Hey c'mon! Just take a look outside - does it look like summer? In my opinion...no. I don't know where you happen to be at the moment, but here in Loviisa it's all cloudy and grey. Well, I'm glad we'll have this holiday trip to Hungary after three weeks (; If my mom doesn't cancel the whole trip... You know, she's so scared of snakes and then she had talked with her workmate and heard that she had seen many snakes out there, in Hungary. And gosh mom got scared... She came home all terrified yesterday telling us what she had heard. Her eyes were about to drop off her head while talking about these snakes and we all tried to get her calm down. It was pretty hard ;) The rest of the day she spent on the internet, searching for some information about the Hungarian snakes... So it would be no wonder if she canceled the whole trip for the snakes - and she already has done it once, though...

I'm feeling a bit sick :( I've been feeling cold and bad all day long and had this headache today. I really hope I won't get sick, since I have to judge this admisson test in agility on Thursday and besides that I'm working every day so it would be kinda hard to stay home anyways. And feeling sick at work isn't nice either.

Nowadays I'm truly married with my piano. I keep playing every day and every night. Playing the piano is the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning and the last thing when I'm about to go to bed in the evenings. I just love playing my own songs, but not only that, I also like to play Coldplay's songs. And when I say I'm playing the piano I usually don't play the melody itself, but I comp and sing. It's relaxing and more creative.

Now my headache really pisses me off, so I gotta go. But please let me know if you have been reading my texts, 'cause it's the only way to know whether there are some visitors in here or not. Viszlát!

Remember, just be yourself.

Geez I had soo much fun today! I spent such great time with my best friend who has taught me something very important. You know, like, how to be or behave when hanging out with the friends. I realized I'm kind of relaxed nowadays, when I always used to be so nervous and almost hated being with them. Not exactly hated being with them, but I hated that hell sticky situation. I don't know why was that. But I think that might be because of the same old part people keep asking everytime - "What would you like to do?". And you ask that question every single time you meet your friend knowing what the answer will be like, it's "I don't know" or "you should decide" almost everytime. It's just this manner people have learnt to use it without the question's own meaning. Do you get what I mean?

Well, today we talked about the things we always talk about, I designed a new layout for my personal site and she helped me, I played the piano and stuff. And we had so much fun! With her I can do anything I want to, whenever I want to without being ashamed. But not only that, with a good friend I am also able to do things I'd normally hate - like cleaning up or something. That's the way hanging out with the friends should be.

And why I'm talking about this, you must be wondering now. Well, I have stopped asking any questions like that and just started to be myself. You know, I don't have to be anything else, I don't have to serve my friends or anything. Nowadays I'm just like "relax and make yourself feel like at home", "let's talk" or something. There's no need to do anything really but just hang around. If that ain't OK with my friends...well, I'm sorry - I can't help it! And that's what my best friend has taught me. Just be yourself, you don't have to be anyone or anything else. Because you're good. We all are.

Happiness...what's that?

Hiii. I just published my very new personal blog and decided to write it in English. I actually don't know why, I guess it's just for a change, you know. The blog carries the name of the 6th song I've made by myself. I think it was describing enough, wasn't it? Or how on Earth could you know. I mean, can you seriously tell me you know who I am? ;)

I just had to tell you (who ever you happen to be) about this evening, 'cause I think it was pretty surprising in some strange way. You know, after a long, long day at work (yea, I'm working at this communication office in Loviisa throughout June) I was pretty tired when I finally got back home... I still had to lead these agility trainings later in the evening which somehow didn't really inspire me. No, not today, after the work and stuff. But ofc I went there and I'm glad I did! Even though it was rainy all time throughout those two hours, but the students (if you can name them like that) were great! Almost everyone had come to the trainings no matter what the weather was like and they had all got better. I mean, there's nothing that shows that your methods work better than that. And we're having this great team spirit in the group that totally lifts up everyone of us. That's just great!

I was so happy I laughed aloud when walking home after those two hours. Happiness can be just little things you normally wouldn't even notice. Like, walking back home after this long day, hair, clothes, face, the dog, you know - all wet, but laughing honestly.

And lastly the best news of the week - my best friend has come home from her summer cottage, finally! I have missed her soooo much, and now we can meet again and talk about...well, that's a secret I'll never tell...

xoxo Bea :]