A change

Hmm... I lied a bit when I told I would write something on our first day out here. I didn't. Not even on the second or on the third day. But now. I just got these Internet keys so that's why.

From where should I start? At least I've understood something. Something has changed. I have changed during these two years. I remember the pain I've felt all this time, but now I feel like I have just wasted my time. I'm glad I came here. Otherwise I would have never got completely over this. Over him.

Still I must confess that I was quite excited this morning as I woke up hearing this loud noise. It was him driving the lawn. At the moment I realized it was him I was completely awake. I looked out of the window to see him the first time in two years (yes, the way this happened was quite different than I though it would be) and there he was. Wearing exactly the same kind of clothes he wore last time, looking exactly the same. The only thing that had changed was his hair - it was a bit longer. Now I've been seeing him a few times and his face is the same, his voice is the same, his look is the same. Even though this feels wonderful, something has changed. Somehow I find myself thinking: 'Is this really him? I spend so many nights and days thinking of him, I cried for him and all? He's the guy?' I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. It's been relieving to notice this, since I don't think my life will be Hell anymore, after coming back to Finland. I hope this won't change during these rest ten days (only ten days! I could live in here!).

We haven't really done anything yet. It's so hot out here, you cannot walk even one kilometer without sweating like never before. But next week we'll rent a car to see other places. Then I can maybe get a few photos, too. Mom has told everyone I've been studying Hungarian and now they all think I can really speak or write. I mean, I can though, but only a couple words! Still it's been great to notice some familiar words from the middle of the sentences and so on. I wish I could speak Hungarian properly some day... I thought I could come here next summer to work in Csorba's! ;) This place is so nice and they are so nice. It would be great to get to know him a bit more - but just like friends do, you know.

I'll be back in here next week, now I have to beat the family in Yatzy and Uno! Szia and greetings from Balatonszéplak! <3>