A change

Hmm... I lied a bit when I told I would write something on our first day out here. I didn't. Not even on the second or on the third day. But now. I just got these Internet keys so that's why.

From where should I start? At least I've understood something. Something has changed. I have changed during these two years. I remember the pain I've felt all this time, but now I feel like I have just wasted my time. I'm glad I came here. Otherwise I would have never got completely over this. Over him.

Still I must confess that I was quite excited this morning as I woke up hearing this loud noise. It was him driving the lawn. At the moment I realized it was him I was completely awake. I looked out of the window to see him the first time in two years (yes, the way this happened was quite different than I though it would be) and there he was. Wearing exactly the same kind of clothes he wore last time, looking exactly the same. The only thing that had changed was his hair - it was a bit longer. Now I've been seeing him a few times and his face is the same, his voice is the same, his look is the same. Even though this feels wonderful, something has changed. Somehow I find myself thinking: 'Is this really him? I spend so many nights and days thinking of him, I cried for him and all? He's the guy?' I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. It's been relieving to notice this, since I don't think my life will be Hell anymore, after coming back to Finland. I hope this won't change during these rest ten days (only ten days! I could live in here!).

We haven't really done anything yet. It's so hot out here, you cannot walk even one kilometer without sweating like never before. But next week we'll rent a car to see other places. Then I can maybe get a few photos, too. Mom has told everyone I've been studying Hungarian and now they all think I can really speak or write. I mean, I can though, but only a couple words! Still it's been great to notice some familiar words from the middle of the sentences and so on. I wish I could speak Hungarian properly some day... I thought I could come here next summer to work in Csorba's! ;) This place is so nice and they are so nice. It would be great to get to know him a bit more - but just like friends do, you know.

I'll be back in here next week, now I have to beat the family in Yatzy and Uno! Szia and greetings from Balatonszéplak! <3>

Is it possible...

...to feel all the emotions at the same time? I bet it is. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm angry and happy. I feel fine and confused, frustrated and sad. I want to leave the country and still I miss it. I'm also eager to see the Csorba family in Hungary for the first time in two years, but I'm afraid I'll be as out of my mind as I was those two years ago as we came back home. You see? This is it: Don't you worry too early - but I do.

Anyways - I just started my holidays :)) I had my last day at work today (which was kinda relaxing - I had no work to do so I just surfed on the Internet) and we took our cavaliers to the cottage so that my grandparents can take care of them during our trip. Rilla is already taken to its breeder, too.

So we're leaving tomorrow. Somehow I can't even realize it yet. It must be fucking cool to go by plane again - I love it! But there's one thing I'm more scared of than anything: the safety control at the airport! Nothing is as scary as it is. But yea, I have to confess that they've got me once, but I didn't do it on a purpose. I was just a little kid and I had scissors in my hand luggage so that I could have created something fun (u know the things the kids do with notebooks and pencils and a roll of tape for example) on the plane...but they took my bag and told me to get those scissors away from there, which I totally did, all scared. So I've been very careful and scared with those controls ever since, it was traumatic for me.

But I have some good news! I can have my laptop with me in Hungary! Daddy told me that the Csorbas have this wireless connection with the Internet that we can use freely. Wo-hoo! I mean, I wouldn't need to do anything but move my photos to this. And refresh my blog. And facebook. And twitter. Okay, I know I'm addicted, right.

It's kinda hard to realize that you have absolutely nothing to pack on a trip. Believe me, I just got this experience. I do have clothes, though, but they're all horrible! I can't understand how on Earth I have ever happened to buy them. I guess I need to refresh my mind during the vacation, I rly need some new thoughts!

I'll continue this 'mission impossible' - packing. I bet it's already morning before I finish this. If I ever do. I'll post something tomorrow when the big day comes. I'll walk through the gates and see my deep crush from the previous trip - of which I just got over...